why is it...

... that the thing we most wish for is so often the most difficult thing to accept?

Think about it. We spend all kinds of time trying to look beautiful and thin and perfect and have a great job and a nice car and, and, and... but when someone notices, and says, "gosh, I just love your outfit," or "have you lost weight?" we toss the compliment back like a hot potato! "Oh, no," we say, "I've actually gained," or "Oh, this old thing?? I got it for $6.42 on the cheapie cheap rack," and then we laugh and move onto something more comfortable, like how could the woman next to you on the train possibly have left the house wearing that?

Why is it so difficult to accept a compliment?

Why do we wish and wish and wish for things, and then feel disappointed when we finally get them?

Why isn't it ever enough?

So many of us are looking for something... (well, if I were going to be honest about it, we're all looking for something) We spend our entire adult lives trying to fit in, to measure up, to succeed, and then at some point we think we've done it! We've arrived! We've made it. And then what? It turns out that we haven't really arrived. We have simply forgotten that life is a path without an end. The end of the struggle is death, and whatever may come after that. Which may seem depressing. But it isn't. It is liberating. At least it can be.

So, how can we liberate ourselves from the tyrrany of fear? Fear of inadequacy, fear of vulnerability, fear of reality... I think that we must continue to look within and find the kernel of longing that hides at our deepest core. What is it that you most wish for?

no, really:

What is it that you most wish for?

rilke always touches me

And this excerpt from Letters To A Young Poet is no different. The rest of the selection can be found here.

It seems to me that almost all our sadnesses are moments of tension, which we feel as paralysis because we no longer hear our astonished emotions living. Because we are alone with the unfamiliar presence that has entered us; because everything we trust and are used to is for a moment taken away from us; because we stand in the midst of a transition where we cannot remain standing.

That is why the sadness passes: the new presence inside us, the presence that has been added, has entered our heart, has gone into its innermost chamber and is no longer even there, - is already in our bloodstream. And we don't know what it was. We could easily be made to believe that nothing happened, and yet we have changed, as a house that a guest has entered changes.

We can't say who has come, perhaps we will never know, but many signs indicate that the future enters us in this way in order to be transformed in us, long before it happens. And that is why it is so important to be solitary and attentive when one is sad: because the seemingly uneventful and motionless moment when our future steps into us is so much closer to life than that other loud and accidental point of time when it happens to us as if from outside.

a theme for reflection

About this time last year, the effects of the credit crunch and the housing downturn were reverberating around the globe—news reports were full of “troubled assets,” “bailout options,” and “job losses.” Everybody said that the only way to fix the situation was more money.

Now, I am no economist, and I hardly ever understand exactly what it is that the Fed is supposed to be accomplishing, so rest assured, I’m not here to argue the pros and cons of TARP or assess the latest financial numbers. However, I have always had a hunch that finding a long term solution to our economic and social woes is less about regulating financial markets and more about focusing on our interpersonal relationships.

I have come to believe that there are two broad concepts that are essential to the survival of humankind—and they have nothing to do with money. These two concepts are civility and sustainability. We've got to be nicer to each other, and remember that our communities and the connections we make to one another sustain us. AND, we've got to commit to living within our means, not just materially, but emotionally, spiritually and mentally, too. It seems too simplistic, and that makes me want to think more about it--discuss my thoughts with other people, and see what we can learn from each other.

With this goal in mind, over the next few months, I will be using a book called Choosing Civility by P.M. Forni as a focus for my own personal reflection. I'll be sharing my thoughts with you through blog posts and in sermons—and any other creative way that you or I can think of to engage the subject. The UUCL book club has already expressed interest in adding it to their list of books.

In the spring, I will do the same with a book called Making the Good Life Last, by Michael Schuler, which focuses on cultivating a sustainable lifestyle.

I hope that many of you will join me in reading these two books, and that together we can find ways to incorporate discussion and reflection into the life of our community, because I think that there is much we can learn from each other in such a conversation.

Here's a quote from Forni, for your reflective edification,

“With a training in civility we develop the invaluable habit of considering that no action of ours is without consequences for others and anticipating what those consequences will be. We learn to act in a responsible and caring way. Choosing civility means choosing to do the right thing for others—for the “city.” The byproduct of doing justice to others is the enrichment of our own lives. I hope that we will never tire of rediscovering that being kind is good for the kind."

Stay tuned!

alrighty, I give. "Uncle."

If anyone is even still reading this blog, you must be going completely insane. Or you think I am. I've bopped from blog to blog -- from Blogger to WordPress -- and then a lateral move trying again on WordPress. I moved from Blogger because I wanted the blog to be a bit more flexible--I wanted to be able to do more things. WordPress seemed to do that. I did not figure in the reality that I CAN'T FIGURE IT OUT!! The interface is just not intuitive to me, and that's why I never get around to posting stuff, because I am confounded by the whole process. To be clear, this is not a dramatic critique of WordPress, just a statement that my non-linear thought processes and WordPress together are more like that old "this is your brain on drugs" ad with the egg in the frying pan than I would prefer. I can handle the simplicity and erstwhile cumbersome-ness of Blogger's interface. Let's not take that as a global statement, though, OK!?

So. I'm going back to Blogger. Done and done. See? Here I am. If the webmaster doesn't block my email address forever when I ask him to change the link on the website for the umpteenth time, then it will link directly from http://www.uuloudoun.org as it should!

Until that time, I'm sorry for the confusion, and...

See you in church!

repost from July

Before I went on study leave and vacation in July, I shared what was on my summer reading list. Since I'm switchin' back to this blog location, I thought I would repost it.

Women Who Run With the Wolves, by Clarissa Pinkola Estes ~ This one's been on the shelf for ages, but I haven't ever picked it up. It's a great book to read a chapter at a time and find little bits of inspiration.

Water for Elephants, by Sara Gruen ~ I just finished this one, and I enjoyed it a LOT. Great writing, a very evocative and interesting window into the world of circus performers.

Making the Good Life Last: Four Keys to Sustainable Living, by Michael A. Schuler ~ I'll be leading a discussion group on this book sometime next year, so you might want to take a gander yourself. Schuler is a UU minister, serving the First Unitarian Society in Madison, WI.

The Art Therapy Sourcebook, by Cathy Malchiodi ~ Fairly self explanatory, this is the latest in my stack of art and spiritual practice related resources.

Twenty Poems to Nourish Your Soul, selected & introduced by Judith Valente & Charles Reynard ~ one of my favorites, this book has old familiar poems (like the Summer Day by Mary Oliver) and others I'd never heard before, but which are becoming familiar (like Twinings Orange Pekoe by Judith Moffett) with accompanying reflections.

How Can I Keep From Singing? The Ballad of Pete Seeger, by David King Dunaway ~ Pete Seeger is one of my heroes, an inspiration and a prophet. And besides, my mom says it's a good book!

As Nature Made Him: The Boy Who Was Raised As A Girl, by John Colapinto ~ This one is a difficult read--not because of the prose, but because of the topic. It's the story of a boy whose gender was surgically altered after a botched circumcision. Interesting insights into family dynamics, self-discovery and the development of psychological/medical/scientific understanding of gender and identity.

Founding Faith: Providence, Politics and the Birth of Religious Freedom in America, by Steven Waldman ~ Janet bought this when we visited Jamestown in April, and I snitched it. :-)

Saving Paradise: How Christianity Traded Love of This World for Crucifixion and Empire, by Rebecca Ann Parker and Rita Nakashima Brock ~ What can I say, I'm a theology geek. Sadly, I can't read this one until Janet finishes it, even though it was one of my Christmas gifts... I guess it's payback for bogarting Founding Faith.

The Full Cupboard of Life & Blue Shoes and Happiness, by Alexander McCall Smith ~ These are part of the No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency series. I love Precious Ramotswe.

Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal, by Christopher Moore ~ It's totally a guilty pleasure, and I just can't help re-reading it periodically. Makes me laugh out loud every time.

What did you read this summer?

a recent collage

Sadly, the cardstock crinkled with all the damp gluey-ness. However, this is a collage exercise I've now done 8 million times (as I teach the class myself!) and so I'm getting pretty good at using only colored squares of tisue and elmer's glue to make colors and shades and stuff. A big difference this time was that I didn't start with the words, I waited until the end to pick them out.

My only concern? "Center" is all the way over to the left. Gotta be something meaningful or profound in that, but for the moment, I'm going to pretend it doesn't mean anything!

self-portrait 2-27-09